From: Andrea
To: The Orange Arrow
Subject: No time to wallow in the Mire!!
Message:
   It worked, I'm happy, ecstatic really, your genius astounded me - for now anyway. I need your advice.  At the place where I work everyone listens to rap music, and there's a sweet, well meaning, old lady who causes great feelings of anger and oppression within me.  How should I make the best of this situation?

   Well, let's start with the rap music. Anytime anyone starts to play some, give 'em a good punch to the kidney. if you don't know where the kidney is, I drew a diagram.

This picture is so anatomically correct that it's not even funny. Or maybe it's just not funny.

   Once this is done, walk away calmly. Don't explain yourself, and if they ask why did it, don't answer. Just walk away. Eventually they'll catch on.
   And as for the sweet, well meaning, old lady....give her a good kidney punch too. Like I just now realised I always say:"A good punch to the kidney never hurt anybody, except all the people who have been punched in the kidney."
   I hope my advice helps and if you need a character witness for your inevitable assault and battery trials, I'd be more than willing to find a delusional hobo who can pretend he knows you for some ketchup packets.

-Gus

   Well, you see, lots of people listen to rap. The main problem with this is there is a lot of bad rap out there, and most people don't know the difference between bad rap and good rap. Often the difference is slim. My way of determining what's good and bad is; are the rappers rapping about THINGS they own, or would like to own? (cars, microphones, women, large televisions, etc.) Are the rappers rapping about IDEAS? (philosophy, ideology, technology, ethics, etc.) Also, how much do they swear and talk about killing? Myself, I like rap about ideas, and rap songs that are laid back, with clever lyrics. Oh, they should also have phat-beats. That really adds to it, I find. You may find that you don't like any rap, and that's fine. Although it doesn't make you a bad person, or mean you can't like anything else if you try rap and find that you like it. Give rap a chance, kids! You may be surprised.
   As for the old lady, repeated swift kicks fix any problem (rusty gates, lawnmowers, old ladies, etc). Also, rap also helps you feel less oppressed too, as well! Let it flow.

-Justin