From: Moss
To: The Orange Arrow
Subject: finally.

  At long last, credible evidence has surfaced that demonstrates how Colin and I are both more attractive to women than Nick Fontaine. This stands to justify my aggrivation at never being picked to play the romantic lead in Carihi plays, being overshadowed by a greasy italian dude who wears black jeans.

AS QUOTED FROM: "PROOF: A Musical Essay" by Moss Scheurkogel

"Proof that Colin Liseth and Moss Scheurkogel are more attractive than Nick Fontaine is, in both personality and appearance:

  • In the winter of 2001-02, Natasha Johnson was attracted to Colin. Rejected and hopeless, Natasha began to date Nick shortly afterward.

  • During Moss' Grade 9 year, he fell subject to the -affections of Laura Jacques. Completely repulsed and unwilling to comply, Moss severed all attachment to the girl. Later on, however, in his Grade 12 year, Moss witnessed the beginning of a relationship between Laura and Nick, briefly after Nick broke up with Natasha.

      The conclusion can be reached that the only serious girlfriends that Nick has ever had are the run-off of girls previously contesting for the attentions of Moss and Colin. Therefore, it should be assumed that when girls cannot obtain Moss and/or Colin, they might resort to Nick, placing him lower down on the scale of attractiveness. The final statement is that based on the evidence provided, Moss and Colin are more attractive than Nick. This means Moss should have been Michael. In addition, Colin should have gotten some ... good part ... or something ."

    I always love being listened to,

    Good work Moss. You're a treasure to the organization.


      Moss, we never needed proof that Nick Fontaine was less attractive, be it mentally or physically, than just about anything in the known universe. This includes dead fish, viral organisms, hobgoblins, etc. It was pretty much settled by Dr. Buck Almond of the University of Rational Logic in 1998. His theorum is as follows:
    As you can clearly see, Dr. Almond was right on the money. EVERYTHING is more attractive than Nick Fontaine.

    Also, Moss if you're so damned attractive what the hell were you doing sending me e-mail on a friday night? Where the ladies be at dawg?


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